I slept peacefully most of the second night. Just before I woke, I remembered having two dreams. In my first dream, I was sitting on a grassy bank in a semi-urban area. It was enclosed on all four sides by a chain-link fence. On the other side of the fence in front of me was a body of water about the size of a small lake. The grassy bank sloped down towards the lake. I reclined comfortably on the downward slope, looking at the lake. I was the only person in this enclosed area, and I found it peaceful - even while people walked by on the path lining the fence behind me.
Suddenly an animal ran past me to my right in a direct line from the fence behind
me and jumped into the water. Despite its speed, I was able to see that this was one of the strangest looking animals I have ever seen. It looked like a furry wild boar with an elephant trunk and tusks - or perhaps like a miniature woolly mammoth with a body the size of a javelina (medium-sized piggish-looking animal native to the desert southwest). I was still contemplating what type of animal this was when I heard people's voices saying, "That's a Mountain Lion!", "Don't you know that's a Mountain Lion?", "A MOUNTAIN LION!"
I turned around, thinking these people didn't get a close look at the animal that just ran by me if they were calling it a Mountain Lion...I was startled to see a Mountain Lion standing on the fence, crouched in an 'alert' stance, as though she was summing up her surroundings and deciding what to do - pounce? defend? flee?
I felt some fear as I saw her crouched, looking directly at me with her neck-hair raised at attention. Then I immediately calmed myself and said to her, "Go on - go on, now. It's okay." I did not actually speak the words. I was communicating telepathically, mostly with my feelings of peace and friendship. She relaxed her neck, turned her head, and walked peacefully away. The people who were previously in a panic began walking peacefully again.
I believe I chose to address my fear of wild animals in my dream world. Mountain Lion was on of the animals I was hesitant to encounter on this journey. I am encouraged by this dream because it showed me that at the moment of recognition - in the moment of actual encounter - I am at peace with wild animals. Even more deeply, I connected with Mountain Lion in a way that allowed us to communicate and understand each other.
(Later, when I returned home from my vision quest, I learned that my dear friend
Brenda, a strong, powerful, beautifully intuitive being, was wondering why I felt a fear of animals when she saw clearly that I have the ability in by being to communicate effectively with animals by shape-shifting. Brenda's revelation feels familiar to me. I have memories of shape-shifting in past lives. I also recall visions of soaring above the mountains as a Turkey Vulture. I am not ready in this life to physically jump off of a mountaintop and fly with the hawks, and I still enjoy continuing to explore my memory and imagination! Thank you, Brenda, for sharing your insight with me.)My second dream, in its sheer simplicity, was even more pivotal and transformational. My Uncle Tim visited me and shared his observation with me: "You know, since your sister was born, you really started to resent people." That was it. That was the whole dream. It was direct and literal (which actually makes it a vision that I received in my dream world).
I woke up this morning, my third day of my vision quest, contemplating this message. As much as I want to deny resenting people, I am also compelled to explore it with complete honesty.
Do I resent others? Is this a current pattern? If so, I choose to see examples of it. Immediately I experience a few recent scenarios. Oh my - I have been resenting people! This is a huge vulnerable discovery and realization. I recognize that I resent a person when I judge them to be irresponsible or uncaring towards me or others. I have even judged and resented people before I met them! I have judged based on looks, on body language, possessions, and even on stories that I heard from other people. When I judge, I resent.
Whoa - I feel some major energy moving through me now. I am getting up to go sit on the big rock in the sun to connect more deeply with my Divine Self and with Nature. I send an apology to all those I have judged, including myself, and ask forgiveness. I forgive myself.
Sitting on my rock, bathed in the golden glow of the morning sun, I contemplate, "Resentment and love resonate at different frequencies, so when I resent someone, I am not loving them." I experience this recognition with a vision and a feeling. I see and feel etheric cobwebs coating my lung points, heart, and throat. They are a dark-gray color, and very sticky - like cartoon tar that sticks to me. The more I try to pull the sticky tar off, the more it stretches, then snaps stubbornly and rigidly back into place. The substance itself feels harmless; it is simply coating and covering parts of my Divine Light.
When I feel these webs, I feel shame. I feel shame for feeling resentment. These are the webs of resentment and shame that I have woven for myself, and quite skillfully! I wove them with strength and elasticity. They have stretched in ways that made them seem invisible and benign. Now I choose to unwind and release my webs. Now that I choose love, my webs of resentment and shame no longer serve me.
I now call on my guides who I most trust and am familiar with: Master Paul and Mother Mary: Paint my webs with the hues of compassion and True Love. Master St. Germain: Transmute and transform my shame into my Faith and my self-love.
I pray this blessing with the fullness of my heart and with the full strength of my being. I know my transformation is happening now. I feel a specific energy of excitement move through me - my excitement! I increase and deepen my breath to move all of my energy with grace and ease.
As I feel this transformation, I am watching the morning sunlight move across the rocks to kiss the top of the waterfall. I feel the illuminated waters cleansing and clearing my entire being. I continue to breathe and feel my feelings.
The sun broadens its reach, and a beautiful rainbow appears in the waterfall. The hues of compassion! Beautiful! I love nature! I feel so blessed and loved that I am crying tears of joy! I feel the colors of compassion paint my being, illuminating my soul.
Just as I feel my hues of compassion settling into my being, a butterfly gracefully floats by me. Butterfly represents true transformation! I am now simultaneously laughing and crying as I allow the full significance of my transformation - complete with validation from nature - to fully permeate my being.
I feel inside where my webs were. I expect them to be gone, but they are still here - and completely transformed! I now see and feel a translucent and rainbow-hued energy where the dark, thick webs were. My translucent rainbow energy moves and expands where my True Essence moves and expands. I feel clear and open, as though a dusty window I have been looking through has been immaculately cleaned and opened, allowing me to breathe fresh air and see clearly. I feel expansive and grounded, as though my energy can flow through and around our entire planet, touching all order of beings with love and grace - all while I am here now - fully present, aware, and anchored in my beautiful nature space.
Thank you Master Paul and Mother Mary! Thank you illumined sun, cleansing waters, and rainbow of compassion! Thank you Master St. Germain and transformational butterfly! Thank you for helping me reclaim my hues of compassion, True love, faith, and self-love!
After I experience this amazing transformation, I stand up on my rock and realize I have to use the bathroom. This may sound odd and out of place at this point in the story, so I choose to clarify and expand this idea. According to Chinese Medicine, resentment is stored in the gallbladder. I have been consciously healing my liver and gallbladder for a few years now, and have experience with gallbladder cleansing.
Our gallbladder releases bile that helps us digest fats. I always know when my gallbladder is releasing or re-balancing because my eliminations come out green. This is Universal. Green poo = a message from our gallbladder.
So here I am on day 3 of my vision quest and water fast. I have just experienced a huge transformation where I shifted from resentment to compassion, and my gallbladder is now releasing physically! If anyone has been looking for proof that emotions affect our physical health, here it is! This is the most excited I have ever been in my life about green poo!
I proceed to jump around and dance with the enthusiasm and energy of a little girl - with rainbow butterfly wings, of course!
Stay tuned for part VII: My Gift from The Water Spirits
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